"These are not our faces, this is not what we look like.
Do you think [these writers look] like this? Not so,
They're wearing play faces to fool you. But the play faces
come off when the writing begins. Frozen in black and silver
for you now, these are simply masks. We who lie for a living
are wearing our liar faces, false faces, made to deceive the unwary."
INNER CITY STORIES
I’m tired of faking a smile, faking a laugh, pretending to be okay when I’m not.
I drank so I wouldn’t feel the pain, but it only made me remember all the terrible things.
I cut because the physical pain eased the emotional pain, but the only thing that did was leave scars.
Every time I see them I have to hold back the tears from all the memories that come back.
I smoked to feel okay, it worked for a while but the high feeling left and my memories came back.
I’m tired, I’m broken, I’m damaged, I’m ready to give up, I’m done.
I want to be able to swallow a handful of pills, to be able to slit my wrist, to be able to jump without thinking of the pain I would cause my family.
I just want to be with my grandfather.
Everyone tells me have faith in god, but if god is real, why hasn't he answered my prayers?
Why hasn't he taken this pain away?
I’m still here feeling worthless.
They say he does things for a reason so I ask, what is the reason that he put this horrible feeling on me?
This horrible feeling that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.
When will it get better for me?
I’ve felt like this since I was 4 years old, I’m 15 now and the only thing I wished for my birthday was the courage to put myself out of my misery, with my family and friends’ forgiveness.
I’m tired of crying myself to sleep at night.
Wondering when I am not going to have this pain anymore.
I don't know how I feel anymore.
I guess you can say I am numb.
I’m just tired of it, I want it all to end.
The crying, the heartache, the frustration, the pain, the blood, just everything.
I’ve never felt so passionate about something as I do this.
I see the best in everyone, but when it comes to me, I can't forgive myself even if I tried.
I feel like I’m going insane.
I don’t have the strength I once did.
I’m an outcast, I don't belong here.
“My mind was messed up, you couldn't save me anyways,” is a line from my favorite song.
But as I drag on through life, as I try to find the strength to continue my life
I try to pick myself up. To be better than ever. To be the best I can be.
I don't want to be a lost cause anymore. I want to succeed.
But for me to succeed, I feel like I need to be free.
But how can I be free, if i have this disease.
A disease that doesn't let me be happy, something I can't make go away.
But I will try, try my best to survive.
And I hope one day, I will smile and it won't be fake.