Monster in the Closet


What do you do when you can't find yourself?

When you feel like you can't feel your own emotions

You've closed them off from the world because you're afraid of feeling that pain

That helplessness, that little piece of a young girl that was ripped away

You grew up into a beautiful positive girl but are still dying inside

Still trying to move on from that dark tunnel in your life

How can you move on? 

How can you just forgive and forget? 

You can't! 

You can't just move on

Because it happened, it was real

It wasn't just a nightmare or a monster in the closet

This monster was real

It's stolen your life and the little bit of childhood you had left


So no, you can't just move on and you can't just forgive and forget

People claim life is hard

People have it harder, but how much? 

You were robbed of more than just a material thing

It was part of you

Part of your innocence

So how can you just move on? 

How can you just forgive and forget? 

You can't! 

It's not the same pain

It's not like a breakup or a random fight

It's real. It's getting stripped of your self-respect

You feel disgusted


So how do you find yourself?

When do you start to feel again? 


You ask yourself why you keep remembering

Why is this real? 

Why do you feel like your world is ending? 

Feeling so helpless you just want to sit and cry, but you don't

You fake a smile and continue on with your day so no one else can see the truth

Because the truth means reality

And that means accepting, and acceptance is something you don't want

You don't want people to know

You don't want to know

You've forced yourself to forget that tragedy so it can be nothing but a memory

You want to move on but can't accept your reality


People say coping helps

But they don't understand you

Your struggles

Your pain

You can't explain that to people, they just won't get it

They'll feel pity

Or they'll judge

They won't understand

You can't just put someone else in your shoes

They wouldn't get it

They can try to help, but they can't relate

They didn't go through what you went through

And if they did it wasn't the same battle

It wasn't the same fight

They can try to help you but they just don't understand


So when do you start feeling like yourself? 

When can you have emotions? 

You can't

You don't let anyone in!