The main thing I wanted to capture in this poem is the hatred yet acceptance of a young mother’s feelings towards the child. My idea for this was to have a mother who is on drugs but has a child. She loved her boyfriend so much, she would do anything and everything to get her boyfriend’s acceptance. He didn’t want the kid, he asked for an abortion. The mother denied the idea quickly. She would never kill an unborn. So the girl kept it. But once she gave birth and once the baby started to look more like her boyfriend, she went crazy and started to hate it. The poem is from the point of view of the mother.

I'm killing myself from within as I sit in the corner of this room with the booze bottle in my hand and a cigarette hanging from my once-pink lips
My thoughts eating me alive as I sit and sit, staring into outer space while my baby cries . . .
just end it, I think.

I need to throw away my pills. It's what's best for her.

My baby, my miracle child.


It's her fault I'm like this. Her father still would be with me if it weren't for her.

Stupid kid.

But I love her.

She's my baby!

Now I sit in silence with my baby sleeping in my arms. I stare intently at her.

How much she resembles him!

Making me yell out, causing her to startle, awake, and cry out loud.

I hate you!

I could've lived a normal life, but you had to ruin everything.

It's all because of you.
But I need to be here, I'll throw away the pill.

If I go down, you go down with me.

I hate you, but I can't let that happen.

I'll accept you.

Stupid kid.

I'm shaking, my body is craving it; I thought I could do it but I can't, I need it. I need the pill and I need it now.

My hands reach out ever so slowly to the bottle of pills that I threw across the room. I place my baby in the crib as I pop one in my mouth.

Then two.

Then three.

All because of her.

Stupid kid.


Narrator: the next day, the neighbors called the police because of constant crying in the house next door. They seemed to think a child had been left alone without the supervision of an adult.

And they were right.
There she was on the floor, dead due to an overdose.

Because the drug was more powerful than the love.