"She herself could easily picture vanishing
from their shared life, but then perhaps it was a
sign of aging on her part, a desire for loneliness
that would eventually make death a relief.” 

Gold Boy, Emerald Girl


There was this girl I knew who wanted to spread her wings and fly away -- from all the pain that her family, friends, and others had put upon her. Her family only wanted what was best for them. They wanted her to be something she simply was not, a perfect princess. They wanted her in bright skirts and dresses with neutral makeup colors. They wanted her to be neat and clean. And like her friends they wanted her not to be depressed or have anxiety all the time. Her friends could spill all their problems on her, but whenever she wanted to tell them hers they’d just change the subject, telling her how beautiful and strong she was. But did they really mean it? No, she thought to herself. They only said it to sound nice. None of them wanted to hang out with her outside of school. They never did anything while others bullied her and pushed her around. That’s probably why she had all of those scars no one dared to ask about. They didn’t know about her life at home, or what had happened in her past. They didn’t know she cried herself to sleep. Or about the summer night she tried to hang herself. One day a few of us called her to invite her to the mall. Her mother was the one to answer. We didn’t think much of it at the time, until we asked the simple question that broke her mother's heart all over again. Crying she said “...she’s gone…dead…” Soon it clicked . . . all the times we ignored her scars, the times we ignored her problems; we were ignorant to the fact the girl with the brightest smile in our school was indeed suicidal.

Tomorrow is her funeral . . . The final goodbye.