I have experienced disillusionment with the limits of human life
and understanding. Perhaps, because I live so intensely in the imagination,
this has hit me harder than most–I really can't say.  But the mythos
that underpins all societies is transparent, and that transparency,
once seen through, is crushingly disappointing.


How can you exactly tell what's right from wrong, or when enough is enough and you need to let go because it's the best thing for you to do. So many mixed emotions, but one thing I know for sure is that what must be done is moving on in life and leaving what’s past behind. No matter how many hurtful people I meet in my life I will always have a good heart and no one can change that. I have to learn that I need to stop trying to look for happiness in the same place that I lost it, and to forgiving myself for falling in love with his potential, even though I had seen the warning signs and his inconsistency from the very start. I know by now he will never change and begin treating me right. Some people ask me if I cry myself to sleep or how I overcome all the pain. I answer if something is killing you inside you just have to act like you don't care; even if it’s the worst you have to keep your head up because you have to show them that you’re doing just fine with or without them. Even in my case, someone being your everything can easily become “Oh him, yea, I know him” within just a few months. 

I honestly never wanted things to be so messed up how they are now but I’ll never lie down on the floor just so I can be walked all over. I deserve respect, and if I don’t get that you won’t get my presence. One time I told that some things are temporary but what we have is forever, but what is forever? There’s no such thing as a forever in my eyes, and there never will be never again. I lose so much trust and respect for people when they show their true colors. “Stick with the girl who has been down for you since day one. The one who understands you, your past and your present. The girl who cried herself to sleep whenever you did her wrong and still forgave you. The girl who has other guys’ attention but only wants your affection. The girl who accepts your ways and life, who will ride for you and only you. The girl who never failed to stay committed, which means she’s still here. Stick with the girl who loves you.” 

Boys seem to do the opposite, hurting the devoted girl. When a boy is your first everything, you think about him every day. I mean I don’t cry or put myself down now, but I guess it just hasn’t hit me yet; when it does I’ll probably be the most miserable person in the world. But for now I keep my head high and smile like there’s no tomorrow. Life is too short to be waiting on a person to act right. Never lose yourself while trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you. Just because you miss someone doesn't mean that you need them back in your life; missing is just a part of moving on.